Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Instant parenting just add Ritalin!

Greetings Beloved!

I was at a park Sunday and a group of people got out of a car in front of me.  It just kinda got me to thinking!
First, I saw a man get out of the passenger side with a very small child about less than 1 year old. Then a woman got out of the back with another child about 2 maybe. Now they got out in a few seconds so those babies COULD NOT have been in any car  seats! Next the young woman who got out the back had on blood red 4 inch platform stripper shoes! What kind of play time are those babies gonna get?  I was talking to two sisters and we all just raised our eyebrows and continued our convo and then we all gasped cause we heard a loud thud! We looked at the car again and a little boy about 3 was lying on the ground! There was another woman standing over the poor baby (not picking him up) tugging at his coat like "why won't you get up?" Again why is a toddler bouncing around in the back seat unrestrained and then your crazy behind flings the door open so he falls out right on his head and you show NO sympathy or compassion you just want him to hurry up! She saw us three mothers looking so she eventually rubbed his head for about 2 seconds B4 they walked into the park! What made it soo bad is she looked like she was older than the pole dancer shoe MOM! WTH!

Which brings me to my point.What the heck is wrong with these parents! They ignore their children and then act surprised at, embarrassed and stressed out by,  and " need a break" from  the child's behavior! It infuriates me and I will tell you why....

 I was raised by an old school mother. She cooked all our meals.We had bath time. We had a bed time. We said our prayers.We said grace before we ate. There were specific actions that would not be tolerated AT ALL or you suffer the consequences! We had very little money but we never knew. We knew to stay out of grown folks business ( whatever that was) cause it was Never conducted in front of children. We better not be caught listening to grown folk talk even if we were in the same room! She allowed us to be children. That was our job! Be a child, do your schoolwork clean your room,play, go to church, love GOD, love your siblings and family, never dishonor them by behaving badly or being unclean! And inreturn... She was a mother! We were made to feel safe, warm, secure and loved because she put time in with us. She didn't have to worry about us speaking out of turn, or disrupting class because she was active in establishing respect, manners, morals and sense of  family  at home! She took her responsibility for the grooming of her children!  we knew that any miss behavior would reflect badly on the family as a whole! So to "mess up" hurt us too because we knew we were taught better!

I have been a mother since I was 13. I took the position very seriously! I wanted to breast feed my baby at 13 because it was best for her! My Mom helped me even though she never breast fed us. I knew I needed to finish school and go to college to make a life for me and my daughter! I had dreams for  her future! When my other children came along I was a nursing student and a new RN. I cooked for my babies! No microwave meals! Yes they had Mc Donald's on special outings and things but they were fed home cooked meals 99% of the time!3 meals a day!  I worked night shifts on the weekends for years because I was not sending them to daycare! They were bathed and ready for bed before I left! They were my responsibility so I felt it my duty to sacrifice in order to do what was best for them! YES I was tired! YES I cried at night waiting for the bus cause I had to leave my babies in the bed to go  to work!  I never had a break! I never even thought of getting a " BREAK" from my children cause I was their mom and I took the actions to bring them to this world so I volunteered for this!  They never stayed with my Parents, Sister or their other grandparents not because they wouldn't keep them but because I took my job as MOM seriously! I was tired, stir crazy, and just plane crazy! I would KILL to talk to a person OVER the age of 4! I thought 4 hours of sleep a night was a full night's sleep! There was a bout 4 years there I am still blurry about! LOL but I made it through! I am proud! My babies are worth it!

I said all of that to say this. When I see the type of "parenting" like I saw in the first paragraph. I get angry! When I hear these Mothers complain about "he don't listen".. " he don't go to bed"..." I need a break"... "he's out of control".  I sit and watch them to see what interaction is happening during the time the child is not " acting up" And nine times out of ten..... there is none! Baby is showing you a book, you are too busy on face book, or having an inapproriate conversation in front of baby. Baby is hungry... you buy chips or cake and soda and hang out a few more hours. You are just having a regular conversation with another adult and your 8 year old child feels free to join in the conversation.. You think it is cute and don't check him for being rude and disrespectful! These are just a few examples!

Um I am not sure why you are surprised at the behavior of your child! Your child looks to you  to teach them about the world and life! They look to you to provide them with food, shelter, protection, love, entertainment and security. If you are constantly "trying to keep him/them busy cause I need my time" with DVD's , TV . video games, day care, school and cell phones while you  "live your life" your children are being groomed by those things! You are not putting the work in to let him know what behavior is tolerated and what is not! You are not even showing you care about his behavior unless it irritates or embarrasses you! You are not providing him  with the proper nutrition ,grooming or rest to allow him the chance to grow and learn at his best! You are not providing a schedule that he can count on that builds his trust in your responsibility and commitment to  mantaing a stable, secure and safe environment for him! All he knows is "i'm gonna  light this fire she don't care" " momma says that so i will too"... " she is not gonna feed me so why should I listen",  "I am hungry, tired, cold and scared...why can't we go home? Then of course this poor child is thrown in bed at an ungodly hour ripped out of bed early for school/ daycare in the morning not given breakfast or a Poptart (if he's lucky) day after day then ends up with" behavioral problems "and needs to be evaluated for medication. Unfortunately "Hey if he is diagnosed I can get a check for him" is the response to this senerio all too often! Why you ask? Well... #1 money and  #2 The child is sedated and therefore you do not have to correct behavior that was caused by your poor parenting in the first place!LAZYNESS and Selfishness!

 My heart goes out to all the babies caught up in realities like this! I get sad and angry! I pray and I do my part by keeping true to the old school parenting with my children and any child I encounter! Our friends are amazed that their children do not exhibit the same behaviors  (that drive them crazy at home) in our home! What is expected of our children is expected of all the young ones that come in our midst! A few things are; Respect your elders and your parents at ALL TIMES, respect each other, Look out for the little ones, be helpful to each other,Washing and Prayer is made before you eat, Greet your ancestors each morning, ETC!

This is the longest post so far! Whew! I just get angry cause people want the fast track for everything these days even parenting! We need to stop the cycle! I am leading by example.. if I can commit at 13 anyone can!
Peace and LOVE!

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